Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dead Flowers

My wife has one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. I would never dilute that by implying it's not genuine because I know for fact it is. But, she also has what I call Photo-Face.
I cannot find a picture of her where she doesn't have that perfect smile.
I gotta think sometime somewhere, she must have stood in front of a mirror until she got it just right. Must be some sort of facial memory thing. Of course she flat out denies it, but for cryin out loud, ten outta ten pictures of me are a train wreck at best. I have a difficult time staying in front of the mirror long enough to comb the three hairs on my head, and then do I go from left to right or right to left?

Flip the coin over and most likely for practicality purposes, while she was workin the smile thing, she was also pioneering (and should patent) a short list of expressions I'm fond of calling

I've named them here in order of severity. Some may seem similar, or appear to overlap depending on the grave I've dug.
1) Watch It Buster
2) Don't Even Think About It
3) Nice (totally not innocent, must have sharp, sarcastic/caustic tone)
4) You Best Not Mess With Me
5) I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass (no sarcasm what so ever)
And finally 6) The Death Sentence or what I like to call, The Electric Chair

She coulda made some real dough and saved penitentiaries across the country millions by just propping up the convicted to a closed curtained window, counting down and BOOM, lights out.
Yeah, we could be sittin pretty instead of frettin about which car we're gonna fix.


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